Meeting Loki is Never Normal
by Selene Illusinia
Summary: [Darcy Stark] Darcy meets Loki for the first time. She suggests he ask her father for advice. Tony is...only mildly amused.
1. Chapter 1

_God, today sucks_, thought Darcy as she walked down one of the New York side streets towards Stark Mansion, her ear buds blasting music so loud she couldn't hear anything around her (it was against security, but she really just wanted to be home right now. The backpack she was carrying bounced with each step, the strap gripped firmly in one hand and the other hand shoved in the pocket of her jacket.

Normally, she loved school. She adored going to classes because occasionally she learned something she didn't already know and it gave her a chance to socialize with other students. Today though, well, today she wanted to murder one of her fellow students. _That bastard thinks he's so smart, but he messed with that wrong girl. I will make him eat his words when I show up with my-_

Her thoughts were interrupted when a body suddenly flew right in front of her face. She might have jumped if flying bodies weren't as common to her as they were. Which probably said something about her life, but she wasn't going to dwell on it. Instead, she popped out her ear buds and looked towards the person who'd just flown past her.

Steve groaned as he pushed himself off the wall he'd hit, leaving an imprint behind. His eyes scanned the area, immediately stopping on Darcy. The rate at which he paled couldn't be healthy. Frantically, he scrambled to his feet. "Darcy, get out of here!"

"What's going on?" asked Darcy, tilting her head at Steve.

The super-soldier never got a chance to respond. In the next moment, a random man wrapped in leather with a massive gold, horned helmet appeared in front of Darcy. Black hair was just visible beneath the gold and his pale skin looked almost unnatural in the bright sunlight. The man didn't even glance at her, his focus solely on Steve. "I expected more of you, Super-soldier."

"Darcy, run!" ordered Steve as he scrambled to his feet. "Get out of here."

In the next few seconds, several things happened. The man who came after Steve suddenly turned on Darcy who, still feeling jumpy over the recent kidnapping incident, activated her bracelet and fired at the man without a second thought. The sonic waves struck her target, flinging him several feet backwards and slamming him into a wall. The action left a rather impressive imprint on the bricks, outlining the man's body almost perfectly. Steve just stood gawking next to Darcy, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Uh..." Looking at the mystery man, Darcy's first fleeting thought as her brain restarts is that the guy is _really_ cute. Not in the same way that Clint is; Clint is the 'I will chain you to my bed' type of hot where as the guy in front of her is more like James Bond. Which is funny given Clint actually _is_ a super-spy.

Steve started choking beside Darcy, staring at her in shock. "Did you just call him cute?"

"That didn't stay in my head, did it?" asked Darcy with a sigh. "Just don't tell Clint, please. He's so much hotter than this guy it's not even funny, but he'll still get all paranoid if he finds out."

"I'm going to pretend I never heard you refer to Thor's crazy little brother as cute," muttered Steve, shaking his head. "I mean, I hoped you had standards-"

"Hey!" objected Darcy, momentarily loosing her focus on their current situation. "Someone can be cute _and_ a total sociopath. That doesn't mean you can't admire how they look."

"Are we really going to have this conversation?" asked Steve, staring at Darcy like she'd grown another head.

"You started it," countered Darcy, folding her arms over her chest. "All I did was say someone was cute. You're the one who implied it might reflect who I would actually _date_."

Steve opened his mouth to rebuke, only to be suddenly lifted clean off the ground and thrown back into the building by Loki before he could respond. The super-soldier flew through the hole in the brick again, his disappearance and the subsequent loud smack of him hitting something inside being followed by a moan. A pained one.

Turning back to Darcy, Loki narrowed his eyes. "I had no dispute with you, Mortal, until you chose to use your magic on me."

"Uh, this is a mini sonic cannon, not magic," objected Darcy, lifting her palm to reflect the device she'd built weeks before. "And you're attacking Steve for no reason. Of course I'm going to defend him."

"It is not for no reason that I have targeted him," argued Loki with a growl. "I have my reasons and they are not ones I expect a mortal to understand."

"Yeah?" countered Darcy, crossing her arms over her chest. "Try me."

However, before Loki could respond, a rather loud shout echoed from down the street. "Father! What the hell are you doing?"

Glancing down the street, Darcy caught sight of Fen as she stormed forward. "Hey Fen."

"Hey Darcy," replied Fen as she came to a stop beside Darcy, eyes locked on Loki. "Seriously Father, what is this?"

Loki winced slightly, still scowling as he gestured to the hole through which he'd tossed Steve. He nearly towered over Fen, though his stance wasn't menacing so much as protective. "I was having a chat with your supposed suitor. This man has nothing to offer you. Why do you insist upon associating with him, Daughter?"

Rolling her eyes, Fen crossed her arms the same way Darcy was and scowled up at Loki. "He's a honest guy, Father. Honest, kind, and loyal. Isn't that what you're always telling me to look for? Someone who'll stand beside me no matter what?"

"I am unconvinced this man is truly worthy of you," countered Loki, scowl deepening. "That he will protect you as you should be protected."

"Because you're my father," argued back Fen. "You aren't _supposed_ to approve of my boyfriends. Besides, I can take care of myself."

Sighing, Loki's shoulders slumped. "I know you are capable of such, Fen, but I would still prefer you be with someone who is at least capable of protecting you."

Shaking her head, Darcy said the first thing that came to mine. "My dad doesn't approve of my boyfriend either, and he's one of my dad's teammates."

Fen cocked an eyebrow at Darcy. "You mean Clint?"

"Yeah, he's Hawkeye," replied Darcy with a shrug. "The dude with the bow."

"He's cute," remarked Fen with a shrug. "Think I said that already though."

Loki groaned. "Fen, must you say such things?"

Fen just shrugged and climbed through the hole Steve had been thrown through. "Doesn't change anything if I _don't_ say it."

Rolling her eyes, Darcy patted Loki's shoulder and dropped her voice. "If you want some advice, talk to my dad. He did this same thing with me."

Looking at her with a raised eyebrow, Loki shot Darcy an incredulous look. "And who are you to believe I do not know what I am doing? Or furthermore, that I lack my own associates to seek advice from?"

"Because Thor doesn't have kids, Odin's already proven he has terrible parenting skills, and your mother will just tell you to let her be," replied Darcy with a shrug, shifting her backpack. "I'm guessing none of the other men you're familiar with have children either. So, talk to my dad. Have a drink. He'll maybe, possibly be able to help. He certainly isn't a screw up as a father." Retracting her sonic cannon back into it's bracelet form, she turned to the hole in the wall. "Hey Fen, I'm gonna bolt."

Her friend's head popped out a moment later, followed by Steve's head, shoulders, and the rest of his body as Fen helped him out of the hole. "Where are you going?"

"Home," replied Darcy with a wave as she started down the street. "I have robot to build and people to humiliate with my genius."

"Don't forget to video tape it!" called Fen just before Darcy turned the corner. Darcy just gave her a thumbs up and popped her ear buds back in.

A knock on Darcy's lab door drew her attention away from the robot that was currently still in pieces in front of her. Glancing over her shoulder, she could see Tony standing on the other side of her lab's wall looking somewhere between thoughtful and concerned. That was never a good sign.

"Josie, lower the music and admit my dad, please," called Darcy, spinning away from her creation to face her father completely.

He stepped inside a moment later, scratching his head. "Hey Darce, do you know why Loki popped into my lab earlier for a drink and a discussion about parenting?"

She shrugged, picking up the cup of coffee resting near her arm. "Because I told him to talk with you about how to handle his daughter dating."

"I got that much, but I'm wondering where you come into this whole thing," replied Tony, eying Darcy worriedly. "Who's his daughter?"

"Fen," answered Darcy, taking a sip of her coffee. "And he decided beating up Steve would somehow get Steve to stop dating Fen. She didn't take that very well."

"Yeah, that's kinda a no brainer," muttered Tony. "Otherwise I would have tried it with Clint. Maybe."

Rolling her eyes, Darcy stood and stretched. "So how did it go?"

"Fine," confirmed Tony with a shrug, dropping onto one of the free stools in her lab. "He's...less crazy than I thought. Also, kinda afraid of you. Plus, he's joining the Avengers, I think."

Darcy blinked in surprise. "Wow, that's a complete 180. What caused that one?"

"Apparently, he's afraid of the fact that I've managed to reproduce," replied Tony with a shake of his head. "Can't decide if that's an insult or a compliment."

"Compliment," replied Darcy. "Just take it as a compliment."

"Yeah..." Shaking his head again, Tony refocused on his daughter. "Anyway, that's that. Steve's in medical still, Fen's with him...you know, the fact that she's Loki's kid explains a lot."

"Trust me, I came to the same conclusion," agreed Darcy as she moved to nuke her coffee.

Nodding, Tony stood and stretched. "Alright, well, I'll leave you to build a robot to shame every kid in your school. But Darcy?"

"Yeah?" asked Darcy, looking over her shoulder at her dad.

"Next time, please warn me when you send a super villain to me for parenting advice," requested Tony. "Walking into my lab to find one of the guy's I've beaten the crap out of sitting there looking for advice isn't my idea of a fun Wednesday night."


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the aforementioned conversation by Tony in the previous chapter, for those of you who want to know.**

* * *

"I have been told you are one to ask about matters concerning one's daughters."

The smooth voice that cut through the room startled Tony enough that he spit out the mouth-full of fine scotch he'd just been about to swallow. So instead of enjoying the smooth burn and peaty flavor, the expensive liquid ended up a rather unflattering addition to the wall of his lab. Well, Pepper wasn't going to be happy about that.

Turning to face his surprise visitor, Tony was semi-floored to find Loki standing behind him. The man didn't look threatening though; he looked concerned, contemplative, and a bit lost. It was so radically different from the last time Tony saw the mad god, he almost did a double check to make sure it was actually _Loki_ standing in front of him.

"Well? Is this true?"

Tony blinked at Loki once. What had he asked again? "Is what true?"

"Are you an expert on handling one's daughter," repeated Loki, irritation and impatience leaking into his voice.

"I wouldn't say I handle my daughter," replied Tony, shrugging a bit and setting the empty glass aside. He was going to need it with the way this conversation was going; he couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Loki was about to ask him for parenting advice, which should probably worry everyone in the universe. Leaning on his desk, he waved his hand around a little as he spoke. "Darce pretty much handles herself at this point. Why?"

Signing, Loki approached the desk with the air of a man completely at a loss. He never sat though, choosing instead to take up a pacing habit that was probably going to drive Tony insane in minutes. "It seems my daughter has fallen under the charms of a mortal man."

One of Tony's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Loki had reproduced? Did Thor know this? If he had, he hadn't mentioned it. Knowing Loki had a kid would have been a nice heads up. "You have a daughter?"

"Yes," sighed Loki, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. "Normally I relish this fact, but her recent interest in a mortal has placed me ill-at-ease and I do not know how to proceed."

Tony winced in sympathy. Oh, he knew that feeling all too well. Pushing away from his desk, Tony made a split second decision and cut to his liquor cabinet. He pulled out his best bottle of rum and another glass before heading back towards where Loki was still pacing. Without a thought, he poured a glass and held it out to Loki as the god went to pass.

For a moment, Loki just stared at the glass as if it might break. Then quick fingers slipped it from Tony's hand and the genius watched as the glass was lifted into the light. "What is this strange liquid?"

"It's called rum," replied Tony, pouring himself a glass as well. "It'll help warm the part of you that dies a little when your baby girl starts looking at other men like they're gods."

"I am a god," pointed out Loki, even as he sipped at the liquid. For a moment, he made a bit of a face but took another sip all the same. "She has taken interest in a mortal man. He is no god."

"You can't tell me you don't feel a little betrayed inside," stated Tony with a cocked eyebrow, voice knowing as he met Loki's eyes.

The god blinked back for a moment, then shrugged and looked away. He continued to sip at the amber liquid though, meaning he probably knew exactly what Tony meant. It wasn't fun feeling like your kid was replacing you with another man.

Tony could have teased Loki for having actual emotions; he was sorely tempted to. The one thing that stopped him were the memories of how he'd felt when he found out Darcy was dating. It hadn't been pleasant and Pepper was the only reason he'd remained sober and sane. Teasing Loki just didn't seem fair, not when he knew how painful what the god was facing could be. "So, what are you looking to do?"

"Keep her as mine," stated Loki simply, eyes finally rising back to Tony's. "She is my daughter, I wish to keep her as such."

Sighing, Tony threw back his rum in one swallow before pouring himself another glass. Oh boy, he knew this stage all too well; according to Pepper, he still wasn't out of it. It was the middle stage of what Pepper called 'The Father's Grieving Process': possession. It was the longest lasting and hardest of the stages to break and someone like Loki was going to have a hell of a time letting this one go. "Okay, rule #1 in the 'Father's Guide to Dating' book: she's always gonna be your daughter. No guy is actually going to take her _away_ from you, but you are going to have to share her."

"But she is _my_ daughter," countered Loki efficiently. "Why should I have to share her?"

"Because she's growing up, Loki," stated Tony simply. Casually as he could, he leaned on one of his worktables and shrugged. "It's part of being a dad: letting your kid go when she wants to fly away."

"But I allowed her to transverse the expanses of the Nine Realms and did not object when she chose to take up residence on Midgard," argued Loki, face falling in frustration as he too threw back the rest of the rum. "Why should I be forced to further relinquish her to the world?"

"Again, because it's what dad's have to do," replied Tony, smirking a bit. "We get some power though. Rule #2 gives us the right to interrogate, intimidate, test, and verbally and psychologically threaten any guys trying to woo our baby girls away from us."

"Does it now?" asked Loki, his face turning curious as he halted his incessant pacing on a turn and proceeded to approach Tony. "This book you continue to reference, where might I find a copy?"

"It's unwritten," stated Tony with a shrug. "But every dad, no matter where you're from, has a few inalienable rights. We have the right to threaten the men trying to date our daughters, we have the right to beat the crap out of those men if they ever hurt our daughters, and we have the right to drop in unannounced to check on our daughters whenever we want."

"Really," hummed Loki, the beginnings of a grin breaking across his face. "So this courtship matter is not all bad?"

"Nope," assured Tony with an equally devious grin. "Plus, you always get to remind the guy who she looked up to first. You can't say it in front of her, but if it's just to the two of you? Feel free to remind him that she was your little girl before he was even interested in girls. Or, well, in your case probably before the guy was even born." That actually brought up a good question, one Tony hadn't even considered. "How old is your kid, anyway?"

"Five hundred and twenty seven," replied Loki with a wistful sigh. "Far too young to show such an interest in men. She should not even be considering men in any capacity beyond their injuries before she is a thousand."

Tony had to laugh at that. Yeah, he definitely knew that feeling. "Trust me, we all feel that way. No dad is ever ready for their baby girl to start dating, but they're gonna do it anyway and we can't stop them. All we can do is hold them when the guy inevitably breaks their heart, beat the crap out of the guy later, and threaten the next one who shows up. And trust me, there's always a next one."

Making a noise that might have been a groan, Loki snatched up the rum bottle and poured himself another glass. Tony just watched in amusement as the formerly mad god threw the amber liquid back much as Tony had earlier and set the glass delicately on the workshop bench. "This is troubling news, but news I must apparently accept all the same."

"It's easier if you do," admitted Tony, taking a large gulp of his own rum as the memories of his numerous fights with Darcy over Clint flooded back. "Just trust me, it's less of a headache. Definitely focus on the guy, he's fair game. Just don't hurt him and don't let her know you're targeting him."

"I suspect this man is far harder to hurt than most mortals," remarked Loki with an unhappy scowl. "But I shall take your advice in hand all the same, Man of Iron, and honor these 'rules' you speak of."

Giving Loki a sympathetic look, Tony set his own glass down and stretched. "Look, if it helps, drop in if you've got questions or need a drink. I'm right there with you and am more than happy to share in your misery."

For a moment, Loki looked confused and a bit weary. His eyes narrowed at Tony hard and he half wished he had one of his gauntlets at the moment, just in case Loki decided to try to throw him off a building again or something. Then the mischief-loving god nodded once and relaxed. "I may indeed take you up on that offer. Thank you."

"No problem Loki," assured Tony. "Us dads need to stick together, otherwise our kids will drive us all to an early grave."

"Agreed," sighed Loki, his eyes rising wistfully to the ceiling. "I do miss the days when I could simply appear and it would brighten her little face."

"And she looked at you like you could move the world," agreed Tony with a sigh and wistful smile of his own. "Those were the days."

"Indeed." Shaking his head a bit, Loki shifted saddened eyes back to Tony. "Again, I thank you for your council, Man of Iron. You are indeed skilled at handling the affairs of your child, though the fact that you have reproduced does striking a concerning cord. Especially that your child is as...intelligent as she appears to be, unless you were the one to create her small weapon of sound."

"Nah, the bracelet/sonic cannon was all Darce," assured Tony with a shake of his head. "I swear that kid's going to surpass me some day. Then again, most kids do."

"My daughter has yet to surpass my skill in the magical arts," objected Loki, though it was a touch bitter more than proud. The faint sigh that accompanied the words suggested there was a lot more to that story than Tony was getting. "Not that she has shown great interest- she would rather practice with herbs than learn the finer points of magic."

"Yeah, I can image," stated Tony, picking up his glass again and fidgeting with it. This was getting a bit awkward- he was starting to empathize with Loki for crying out loud! "When Darce announced she was more interested in motorcycles and power supplies than cars and robots, it hurt."

"At least your daughter does share some interests though," pointed out Loki, his voice wistful. "It was true that once I could amuse my daughter for hours on end teaching her the simplest of spells. Now she will hardly touch the subject of sorcery and it is only with great effort I can engage her in such conversations. She's become entranced with you mortal beings." The last words were bitter, though it was a bitterness backed by deep sadness. Then again, the guy was loosing his daughter to what he considered a 'lower species'. Tony couldn't really blame the man for some of his resentment.

"I'm really hoping that isn't the reason you tried to enslave Earth," remarked Tony mildly. "I'm pretty sure attempting to eliminate the source of your daughter's curiosity is a big no-no."

"No where near my reasoning," assured Loki dismissively. "I had not even spoken to her in several years- she was too busy with this 'university' you mortals have."

"College is distracting," agreed Tony with a sage nod. "Getting Darce on the phone for longer than ten minutes at a time was nearly impossible while she was in undergrad unless she called me. Oddly, her calls were never for money."

One of Loki's eyebrows shot up in clear confusion. "Why would she call you for gold?"

"Well, I am her dad and I am loaded," pointed out Tony with a shrug. "I'm pretty sure Pepper was the one who handled her finances though. Not that, you know, the university didn't have her there on full scholarship or anything. All merit-based, mind you. I never even had to offer to buy a building to get her in."

"You have lost me with your mortal ramblings," remarked Loki dismissively, waving his hand a bit in a 'I don't really care' motion and turning towards the middle of the workshop where he'd appeared. "I have become bored with this exchange and, as I am needed elsewhere, intend to depart. I may return to take you up upon your offer of company and drink though. Indeed, you are as wise as your daughter did say, if only in matters concerning the raising of your young."

"Uh, thanks?" tried Tony, scratching his head a bit. "You know, Pepper is really a better reference than I am for a lot of stuff. I just know the, you know, dating stuff."

"The red-haired woman who assists you, correct?" questioned Loki, a contemplative look crossing his face. "You say she is better informed than you?"

"About everything but how to handle boyfriends," corrected Tony quickly. If Loki popped in on Pepper without warning because of something he said, she'd have his head. "That's one of those things she left completely up to me."

"Mm," hummed Loki faintly, nodding slowly as he considered Tony's words. "Very well then. I shall take your advice on this matter and proceed instead to invoke, as you put it, the 'Father's Guide to Dating rules'."

"Invoke away and have fun with it," encouraged Tony, raising his empty glass to the god. "Just don't kill the guy unless he really screws up. She'll hate you forever if you do."

"Of this I am well aware," assured Loki with a slight shutter. "I greatly pity my other versions who have inadvertently murdered the mates of their daughters."

"Other versions?" repeated Tony, his eyebrows rising sharply in concern. "Do I want to know what that means?"

"It is far outside of your purview of understanding, mortal," dismissed Loki easily. "Do not concern yourself with those matters." A smirk crossed Loki's face then, cunning in nature but with a gratitude Tony doubt the god knew he was revealing. "Though I will say, your knowledge does surprise me. If the others whom you surround yourself with, excluding my brother, are as wise as you, I may be forced to forfeit all of my exploits and join you instead." Nodding once, he never gave Tony a chance to respond to his statement before he was disappearing into thin air. "Until we met again, Stark."

Then Loki was gone and Tony was standing in his workshop, wondering if he'd just hallucinated the entire exchange. Except there was an empty rum glass beside him and about half his rum bottle was gone. And he definitely wasn't drunk enough to have drank all of it. Glancing around his lab, Tony assured himself that Loki was really gone before heading towards the doors. He and Darcy needed to have a talk about who she was allowed to direct to him for advice.

A long, long talk.


End file.
